Since I can remember you fools have been "singing" me songs of a fairly limited variety, all of which, to my flattery, involve a percutaneous insertion of my name in the place of what sometimes might be considered very nice lyrics. "Hey, Bloom" was always my favorite.
But...at this juncture, I think we can move on from some of these lower level attempts at musical ingenuity and tackle some more complex and linguistically bloomtastic lyrics (Disclaimer: Bloomtastic is not a new word). Why? Because I'm not simply amused by half-assed attempts to use my name in stupid dance songs from 1992, even if the lyrics describe me perfectly.
Honestly, there are probably a million songs out there that would accommodate a fabulous bloom insertion - sexual innuendo totally implied - and they don't have to be so utterly obnoxious as say, Bloom Bloom Bloom whatchamaseemesay WAYOH! First of all, get the lyrics right people. I'm probably going to ruin everyones rendition of this song but the words are "now let me hear you say" or my favorite "mothafucka say WAYOH!" I still love it though, especially in the morning.
So, if I may make one request, give me something I can be proud of. Something to make the ladies wet and fellas... fuck the fellas, it's all about the ladies. There is opportunity here, you know. You could become famous with these lyrics, and some day people will say "wow, he/she's so in touch with her inner Bloom, I wanna be just like that." And the people will sing...
Always and often,
Bloom
p.s. In case you were wondering,
I come to make you shake it
Till you break it
Caress your body until you're naked
Bend you over
Grab you shoulder
Slip my peter inside your folder
Make you sweat-a
Get you wet-a
Pump it faster to make it better
Dim the lights then lock the room
'Cause now it's time for me to hit that Bloom.
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