The Cuddle Slut Conspiracy

In the passing of a few months, we've all become aware of that sexual deviant I call the cuddle slut. A hormonal mess struggling with an internal cocktail of Oxytocin and damaged sexual perceptions. Extensive research by BloomNation's top lifestyle conservationists (namely, me) has uncovered many of the underlying facets of such habitual cockblockery including key insight into their taxonomical traits. There remains much debate over the actual number of species, as it appears that traits of Cuddle Slut # 1, our drunken nutcase, have transgressed into the genes of Cuddle Slut # 2, our confident and enticing deviant. This cunundriphite would be so brash as to self proclaim herself Cuddle Slut 1.5. I'm not sold on the distinction of this creature as a new species, however its characteristic behavior is unmistakable. One will quickly become aware of an encounter with this depraved mutation while being forced to hide in a closet to wait to sneak out the front door after said cuddle slut's "ex-boyfriend" (finger quotes) shows up at the front door, deprived of sexless cuddling I'm sure.

HOWEVER, there is a greater conspiracy amidst across the nation by a previously undetected order of powerful Cuddle Sluts. Apparently they've infiltrated all levels of international power and are planning a vicious attack on all those who stand in their way. Disguised as doctors and scientists, these co-conspiring Cuddle Slut cronies are planning a full frontal attack disguised by the noble name of medicine.

The disguise: A drug that combats shyness and social awkwardness, dubbed "social Viagra", could be developed after scientists investigated a hormone released by new mothers. The cover is to treat quasi-legitimate social disorders through the distribution of higher levels of oxytocin in the blood. Scientists researching in the field of psychotherapy have found that this "wonder" hormone could make people more happy, outgoing, and of all things, confident, thus allowing them to become more productive and likable members of society.

DON'T BELIEVE A WORD THEY TELL YOU! Scientific facts be damned! This is nothing more than a cleverly contrived attempt to turn the entire world's blossoming sexual congregation into a sexless cuddle-crazed nightmare. I'm not afraid, of course. Thanks to the great strides of my research, a combative approach technique has risen from the dusty trails of many valiant encounters. (Disclaimer: Combative techniques are highly sensitive and are thus classified to ensure their efficacy. Strict authorization from the Department of Slaymenship is required for clearance)

Always and often,

Bloom