Assembly Required

For those who stay abreast in the important issues of animal consumption, it is no new news that I love good sandwiches. This post idea started like all good things do, as a spirited debate between two good friends at 3:00 AM. While discussing a local deli down the street, we began to discuss what must happen for a truly amazing sandwich to be crafted. It was my point that the deli in question does make satisfying sandwiches, whereas my friend contended that indeed their sandwiches are subpar. Excavating from the refrigerator a sandwich from said deli (indeed their most popular sandwich) I asked him to look it over and tell me if it was in fact subpar. He admitted that it did look to be a well made sandwich, but we did both then agree that there are certain things that must occur during the construction of a sandwich in order to create something that in the end is more than deli meats, vegetables, sauces, and bread. In fact, the best of sandwiches are experiences that transcend explanation. They must be undertaken first hand.

Firstly, the ingredients of the sandwich must be of high quality. Delis that make their own bread, or have fresh bread delivered daily begin on a sturdy and delicious foundation. Premium deli meats and cheeses are also a must. Wet meats or processed meats and cheeses must be avoided. Meat, cheese, and bread are obvious places to look for poor workmanship, but the mark of a truly amazing sandwich maker comes with the sauces. Sauces bring the sandwich together, but truly amazing sauces should add something new to the sandwich and surprise the taste buds. Proper sandwich makers have multiple sauce options that can blow your mind by adding unexpected flavors. All vegetables must be fresh, and there should be a large selection from which to choose, including at least 3 types of peppers: sweet and hot. Alfalfa sprouts are a must have.

We have now compiled the correct ingredients, but all this does is make a pile of meat, cheese, and vegetables covered in sauce on my counter, and that my friend does not sound like a sandwich to me. More like a crude ad hoc chef salad. The next step is to put the sandwich together so that we may eat it properly. But to do this we must first look at our ultimate goals which the sandwich must “meat” (pun intended). The sandwich should be edible using two hands, and it should not lose parts as it is eaten because no one wants tomatoes in their lap. Also, the meats and cheeses should be layered evenly across the sandwich. Meat should be given the “deli fold” as it is placed on the bread. Tomatoes and lettuce need to be secured into the sandwich using the sauce like glue to hold them there. This requires the proper stacking order when building the sandwich. And the most important part of making the sandwich is that it must be done by one person. Assembly lines are good for building cars, but not sandwiches. One man, one sandwich. He should assemble the entire thing from sauce to vegetables to meat. The subtle nuances of the perfect sandwich are lost in the assembly line, as the dissolution of guilt sets in with multiple sandwich makers working on one product.

Following these simple guidelines will lead you into a world where good sandwiches are more than just sandwiches, they will become what you live for, and they will begin to control your life as you drift under their spell.

Always and Deli Meat,

Bloom